Insecurities
by loulou11288
Summary: Clary is having a hard time dealing with everything that happened at the lake with Valentine, Jace, and the Angel. She attempts to take refuge in drawing, but is not having much luck. Jace comes to her rescue. O/S Takes place after the battle with Valentine in City of Glass. I realize this is a bad summary, but please give it a chance.


This story has been sitting on my computer for quite awhile and I just decided to finish it and see what everyone thinks. My story takes place as if there was no celebration at the end of City of Glass or as if Jace and Clary resolved some issues beforehand.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Mortal Instruments series of books or any of the characters and locations therein. All credit goes to Cassandra Clare.

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Clary had been sitting in her room at Amatis's for almost three hours now. A few days earlier, she had been able to find a shop in Alicante that sold drawing paper and artist's pencils. She was attempting to sketch the image she had in her head of the Angel.

She was plagued with nightmares of that night. Waking up next to the lake and knowing Valentine was going to kill her. And then Jace showing up at just the right moment and thinking she was saved, but having to watch him die instead. She thought that maybe drawing Raziel would give her some peace and allow her to finally get past seeing Jace die and the despair that followed that realization. She knew Jace was alive and well now, but that didn't stop the fear she still had.

She had drawn and abandoned at least thirty sketches and still couldn't come up with the right rendering. She was beginning to think it was a lost cause and that she would never be able to get it right when there was a knock at her door. She didn't answer, wavering between wanting to be left alone and longing for someone to come rescue her from her own mind. She decided against answering and looked back down to her sketch book.

She had been working on putting some details on this drawing when she heard the creak of her door, announcing someone's arrival. Clary waited another full minute before looking up, almost hoping no one had actually come in and that the visitor wouldn't have to see the mess she was making in the hope of coping with the events of the past month.

However, Clary knew that her wish would not come true and that she would have to face whoever had decided to come into her sanctuary. She finally mustered up enough strength to look across the room and see that the one person she was most afraid of seeing was leaning back against her closed door with an almost pitying look marring his beautiful features.

Jace looked just like an angel standing there, waiting for her to acknowledge his presence, and she was dazzled by the sheer magnitude of what she was seeing. Clary had avoided Jace almost like the plague from the moment the battle was over. She was afraid of what she would say to him. That she would completely embarrass herself because there was no way he could possibly feel the same way about her. She just knew that all the stress of the past month was the only reason Jace had taken any interest in her and now that it was over she was certain he would reject her and never look back.

Clary knew she couldn't handle a situation like that and so she just sat with her sketch in her lap and stared at Jace as if he had grown a second head.

"Hey," Jace said, staring right back at her. "What are you working on?"

Clary finally awoke from her trance, "Nothing. Just some silly idea that came to me this morning."

"Oh, mind if I take a look?"

"Actually, I don't like anyone to see my work before it's finished. One of those superstitious notions artists have about the piece being ruined if it's seen before it's completely finished."

"Really…You seriously believe that? What is the point?" Jace exclaimed dumbfounded, as he took step closer.

Clary was reeling as she tried to explain this stupid idea and hide the sketch at the same time. Of course she usually didn't ever care if anyone saw her work before it was done, but she was afraid Jace would laugh at her and tell she was just being stupid. She didn't want to have to deal with his thinking she was dwelling on events that were in the past and therefore shouldn't matter.

"Yes, I believe that. I would hate for someone else's vision to cloud my own and make me question my ability with a particular piece."

Jace studied her another moment and then walked right up to her. She could only stare as a look of determination crossed his face and he set his jaw, like he was making some difficult decision. He looked down at her for a second, and reached out to take the pad of paper from her hands. Clary couldn't move. She knew it was useless to attempt to keep the sketch from Jace because he would eventually break her down and she would show him in the end.

Jace flipped the pages until he found the only one that had any lines on it. He stared, as if in a daze, and Clary knew what he was seeing. There on the page was Raziel, with his wings extended and fire burning behind him. He honestly looked like he was on a heavenly mission from God and no one could or would stand in his way. Clary finally looked away, hoping Jace would just decide to forget talking about the picture. But Clary knew that would have been too easy as Jace took a deep breath, lowered the drawing pad, and looked at her.

"Clary?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Why are you drawing Raziel?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Clary repeated.

"Clary, why? What makes this so important that you've sat up here all day drawing picture after picture and then discarding them?"

"I haven't been up here all day," Clary argued, hoping to change the subject.

"Right, you came down to grab some dinner and then came straight back up here and closed the door. Why are you drawing this?" Jace asked, concern lacing his voice and making it softer.

"I just needed to. Alright?" Clary exploded, anger coursing through her tone.

"Why?"

"To get some peace."

Jace knelt in front of her, "Peace from what?"

Clary hesitated. "The nightmares. And the fear that this is all a dream and I'm going to wake up next to that lake with you dead," She explained, beginning to cry and hating herself for it. Jace watched her for a second and then pulled her to him. He put her in his lap and just sat holding her, whispering words of comfort and rocking them. Clary finally calmed down enough to look up.

"I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have let loose like that," Clary apologized, attempting to extricate herself from Jace's arms and having little luck. "Uh, Jace you can let go now."

Jace looked at her, "I know it was hard fighting Valentine and then watching me die, but Clary, I'm here now. And I'm fine."

"I know that. My mind just keeps telling me that this can't be real. No one can come back from the dead and there is no way you can be here talking to me."

Jace studied Clary, seeming to debate what his next move should be. Finally, he grabbed Clary's hand and put it to his cheek. "This is real," Jace said holding her hand to his face for a few seconds.

He moved their hands down to his chest, over his heart, "This is real."

Clary could only stare as Jace continued to hold her hand over his heart so she could feel its strong beat. Jace watched Clary for any reaction. She sat so still and silent, almost afraid that this moment would slip through her fingers.

Clary sighed, leaning forward until her head was on his shoulder. "I was so afraid I had lost you. Watching you die made me realize I wouldn't be able to function without you. It's like you're a part of me and I wouldn't be able to live properly if I wasn't whole."

Jace nodded against her hair. "I know. I was so afraid to lose you that I went straight to the lake hoping there would be some way to keep you safe. I thought I loved you, but then I found out it's more than that. I know that losing you will destroy me and take all the hope from my world. I would have no reason to live without you."

Clary looked up while Jace was speaking. He was saying the words she had wanted to hear from him almost since the moment she met him. She stared at him, attempting to memorize every nuance of his face. But when her eyes reached his lips, all exploration stopped. All she knew in that moment was that she had to kiss him. Really feel him beneath her.

She raised her eyes to his and realized he was staring at her as well. His eyes fell to her lips and then came back to her eyes, almost asking for permission. She put her hand on his cheek and nodded, guiding him to her mouth.

When Jace's lips met hers, Clary felt an electric shock go through her. She couldn't believe how right kissing Jace felt. His lips were soft but firm, compelling her to move her lips with his. She felt his tongue trace her bottom lip, asking her to allow him entrance into her mouth. She remembered kissing Jace in the Institute on her birthday and in the Seelie Court, but it didn't feel anything like this kiss. They paled in comparison. There was nothing that felt better than kissing Jace in this moment.

Clary parted her lips and felt Jace's tongue sweep inside. He brushed the roof of her mouth, her teeth, and tongue, like he was trying to memorize her from the inside out. She sighed with the feeling and pressed herself against his chest, earning a groan in return.

The kiss escalated as Jace and Clary sank into each other, forgetting where they were and the myriad of reasons they should stop. Clary felt Jace's hands move from her hair and face down over her shoulders and arms and to finally rest on her waist where her t-shirt had ridden up. She could feel his hands on the skin of her waist and knew they had to stop before it was too late.

"Jace…Stop. We have to stop."

Jace stopped kissing her, but put his head on her shoulder, moving his lips to kiss the junction of her neck and shoulder. "I'd rather not."

"Seriously, Jace. Everyone is downstairs and besides we're not ready to go any further. I'm…not ready…" Clary explained, while pushing at his shoulders.

Jace groaned while he sat back and nodded, "I know you're right, but stopping is the furthest thing from my mind right now."

"I know, but we need to have time to get to know each other outside of a crisis situation. I don't want us to ruin anything because we rushed. We're going to have all the time in the world to get to know each other and be together once we get back to New York."

"Ok, ok. Besides we better get back downstairs before Luke, or worse your mother, decide to come find us. She still doesn't like me much and probably thinks I came up here to ravish you," Jace joked.

Clary laughed, while standing up, "You're probably right. She thinks you have no redeeming qualities and that you forced me into becoming a Shadowhunter, but give her some time. I mean, not that long ago she was hiding from the Clave and Valentine and trying to keep us safe."

Clary turned to walk towards the door, but Jace stopped her. "I doubt your mom will ever like me. It's going to take a lot to change her mind, but I don't really care one way or the other. You're the one I'm trying to impress."

"Oh, really? Maybe you should try a little harder," Clary teased, while backing towards the door.

Jace looked shocked for a moment before starting to advance on her. "You're going to regret that. I am the most impressive person you will ever meet. My impressiveness knows no bounds," Jace warned.

Clary laughed as she opened to bedroom door. "Well, I guess you'll have to teach me a lesson in "impressiveness." I'm not sure I've ever heard of that one." Clary said, as she walked out into the hallway to rejoin the others downstairs.

Jace just smiled and shook his head as a followed Clary downstairs. He knew he was going to have his hands full and he couldn't be happier about that fact.

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Please read and review. I would really like to know what everyone thinks, but please refrain from flaming. I understand that this will not be everyone's cup of tea, but I will always appreciate constructive criticism.


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